Healing Your Life

Phase Three

Below you will find the text for Step Twelve of the Healing Your Life Course.  You will also find a link to the video of Paul Ferrini teaching this step.    Please read through the text and then watch the corresponding video.. Then, when you are ready, answer the homework questions in the journal that follows.   When you have finished, save your answers so that you can refer back to them in the future. 

Step Twelve
Empower Others

Goal: Be an instrument of love in a world of fear.

Strategy: Cook in the sauce. Surrender your ego.

When you reach a certain place in your healing and transformation, you are called to serve and share the work with others. The call may be a formal one or an informal one. It really does not matter. What matters is that your cup is full and it is time for
you to share what you have learned with others.
     One your thirst has been quenched, let others drink from the well. Indeed be willing to be the bucket that goes down into the dwell to fetch the fresh water and carry it upwards. It is an organic and natural process to give back to others as you have received. It keeps the energy moving. It enables the gift to be given over and over again to those who need it.
     Anyone can be an instrument of the divine when understanding comes and s/he is ready to serve. Sometimes this takes a long time. I tell most of my students that they are like raw meatballs that need to cook a long time in the sauce before they can be
taken out and eaten. Many of them try to jump out of the sauce before they are fully cooked. And then when people eat them, they get indigestion.
     You can’t serve before you are ready. You need to ripen on the vine and cook in the sauce. The longer you cook, the sweeter and more tasty you become. Jesus told us that we would know a good tree by its fruit. In the same way, we know a good
teacher by seeing how she acts toward others. If she is gentle and kind, if she is firm when she needs to be, but respectful of others, if she walks her talk and models what she teaches, then we know she is the real deal.
     If not, she needs to be go back into the sauce and cook some more. If she isn’t willing to do this, that’s okay, then she finds another teacher or teaching.  Caterpillars who are unwilling to stay in the transformational sac will not be born as butterflies. Healers who try to heal others before they have healed their own wounds will become wounded healers. Their reputation will follow them. People will know the tree by its fruit.

When the Student is Ready

You have heard the expression “when the student is ready the teacher appears.”  The opposite is equally true; “when the teacher is ready, the students appear.” Step 12 asks you to give back to others the understanding and support that you
have received. If you have friends, co-workers or people in your community that would appreciate this work, consider facilitating a study group. Come to our Phase 1, 2, and 3 Healing Your Life intensives so that you can be certified to facilitate this work
for others.
     Even if you are not inclined to share this work formally with others, informal opportunities will arise. People will notice that you are in a healing process and they will want to know more about it. Don’t be afraid to share with them the results that
you have experienced.
     The beautiful thing about this roadmap is that it is truly universal. All the people you know will be gong through one or more stages in the healing process you have just learned. As you share your healing with others, your own learning process deepens and intensifies. Sharing what you know is therefore an inevitable next step on the healing journey. You can best model this work by sharing with others as an equal brother or sister.
     Acknowledge your humanness and imperfections. Do not put yourself up on a pedestal or claim any special abilities. Your goal must be to empower others to grow and to heal, never to call attention to yourself.
     Teachers share well when their cup is full. Then it is easy to give to others. But no one’s cup is always full. When you share a lot, and don’t stay rooted in your spiritual practice, you can feel drained. Your cup can feel empty, and then the words that you
speak will seem to fall on deaf ears. You parrot the words but you cannot back them up emotionally.
     That’s when you know it’s time to refill the cup. It is time to return to your spiritual practice and go deeper in your healing journey. It is time to have theexperiences that will challenge you and give you new understandings to integrate into
your life. When you have recharged your battery and filled your cup, then it will be time to share again.
     A teacher who does not find time to learn burns out. The healer who does not take time for her own healing becomes a wounded healer Aside from burnout, the biggest obstacle to sharing this work is perfectionism. No matter how hard you try you are not going to share perfectly. You will make mistakes and learn from them. So take the pressure off. Be humble. Be patient and be gentle with yourself.
     Don’t stress out or try to do too much. Stay centered. That way it will be easier for you to walk your talk. You are asked not just to teach, but to model the teaching. You demonstrate your healing by the way that you interact with and treat others. Don’t’ try to be anyone’s guru. Don’t speak with others in a dictatorial, arrogant, or preachy manner. That would be acting in directcontradiction to the spiritual law of equality on which this teaching is based.
     When you share with others, be authentic. Be real. Don’t wear a spiritual mask. You are not doing the work to shine at the expense of others, but to empower and inspire others to grow, heal and shine their own light. A great teacher is not afraid to show her humanness and vulnerability. She freely acknowledges her mistakes and has the capacity to laugh about them. This creates a relaxed and forgiving atmosphere in the class or group.
     One of the ways you create safety is by constantly reminding yourself and others that you are not there to try to save, redeem or fix anyone. You are not signing up to heal anyone, but to create a safe space where healing can happen for yourself and
     Becoming a teacher intensifies your learning process. You don’t stop learning when you teach. You learn at a deeper level and at a much faster pace. The student may manage to hide his dirty laundry. The teacher can’t.

Your House of Healing

Like others, you do not heal alone. You heal with your brothers and sisters. Specifically, you heal best in community with others who have been wounded in similar ways. This is called your House of Healing. Alcoholics Anonymous, for example, is one House of Healing. Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse is another. There is a House of Healing for every major type of wound.
It helps you to give back if you identify your House of Healing and connect with others in that spiritual family. Once you begin to share with them, you realize just how tuned in you are. People are amazed at what you have learned. They find hope in your example. They realize that if you could heal so can they. They feel inspired, encouraged and empowered.
     Looking back you see there was a purpose to your pain and suffering and to your long and sometimes difficult journey to healing. It prepared you to help others. It prepared you to accept your purpose in life.
     Whereas in the past you were part of a chain of abuse that extended from your ancestors to your children and grandchildren, now you are part of a chain of healing that extends from your mentors and sponsors down to the community you serve. It
is a holy and privileged role, to facilitate healing for others in the same way that it was facilitated for you.
     Now it is time to give without any expectations of return or any strings attached. Give because you have something to give and there are people in your city or town who need what you have to give. You aren’t doing this to score brownie points or to
improve your public image. You are doing it because there is a need that you can fulfill, because there is a heart that is waiting for your kindness, because there is a brother or a sister who will give up if you don’t answer his or her call for help.
     As you have received, so now can you give. And as you give, you receive deeper and deeper healing. The circle is now complete. But it is not limited. It extends out from your heart to the hearts of all those who need the gift that you have come here to give.

Seven Spiritual Understandings

Working with the Seven Spiritual Understandings below will help you share with others from the heart. It will help you stay connected to your spiritual practice so that your cup remains full and it is easy for you to share with others. You may want to say
them aloud for greater impact.

1. I know that everyone is worthy of love at all times.
2. My purpose is to bring love as needed in every situation.
3. I accept my spiritual equality with all beings.
4. I understand that my judgments are delusional and are never justified. All judgments and trespasses are made in fear.
5. When fear grabs me, I recognize it and hold it compassionately. I see the distorted nature of all fear-driven thoughts, words, or
    deeds and I refrain from condemning myself or others.
6. I accept responsibility for everything I think, feel, say, or do. I refrain from thoughts, feelings, words or actions that are unkind or
    unfair to me or others.
7. Love brings peace, joy and fulfillment. Lack of love brings pain, sadness and lack of fulfillment. In each moment I can choose to
    give love or to withhold it.

Epilogue: The End is just the Beginning

 Our Healing Your LIfe Workshop covers the material in this course in an intensive, experiential fashion. It is offered on three long weekends. People who take it have many breakthroughs and experience a powerful sense of community. Some come to the workshops expecting to finish the work after the last weekend, but when that time comes it becomes obvious to them that in many respects they are just beginning the work.
     Self healing is a deep and profound work. It does not happen in days or weeks. But the days and the weeks are very important. When you do the three Healing Your Life intensives, you learn the entire roadmap to healing and transformation. You understand where you have been, where you are, and where you need to go. You become aware of the scope of the work and what it is asking from you.
     This Course provides you with the basic roadmap for the journey. But it does not guarantee that you will commit to the journey and take it. In my experience, most people have difficulty staying in their healing process unless they have the support of
a transformational community. This is why we encourage you to come and experience this work in person.
     If attending a workshop or retreat is not an option for you, please consider joining our virtual community, where you will have
regular access to my talks and ongoing dialog with teachers and students of my work all over the world.
     Whatever your experience is, please hear the call of your own heart and trust it.  Awaken, heal and empower yourself. If you are inspired, become a teacher and share the work with others. The work moves forward only through those who do it. It is entirely experiential. Our teachers not only understand the concepts, they live them and model them. They walk their talk.
     I look forward to seeing you at one of my retreats or workshops.


Paul Ferrini

 Step Twelve Teaching Video

Homework for Step Twelve

Important Questions to Ask Yourself

  •  In what way does your perfectionism hold you back from stepping into your service work?
  • Do you share your journey with others in an authentic way or do you wear a spiritual mask and put yourself on a pedestal?
  • Are you humble and patient or do you have high expectations and put a lot of pressure on yourself and others?
  • What is the greatest gift that you have to share with others?
  • What is the biggest lesson or healing experience you have had in your life?
  • What obstacles have you surmounted, what challenges have you faced that might be inspirational for others to hear?
  • Are you ready to help others heal and step into their power or do you need more time for your own healing?
  • What is your House of Healing? What group of people are you most guided to serve based on your own life experience?
  • Have you reached out to others in your House of Healing? If not, would you consider offering an Affinity Group to this group as a first step?
  • In what other ways are you guided to share and give back to others?

Special Offer to All Who Have Completed the Online Course

Congratulations on completing the Online Healing Your Life Course.   It is a real achievement and we want to acknowledge you for what you have accomplished.   In celebration, we are offering you a choice of one of these gifts:

  • one month free membership in our virtual community
  • $100 off your tuition at Paul Ferrini's next retreat
  • 50% off on a mentoring session with one of our certified teachers

Please email us at orders@heartwayspress.com to claim your free gift.