HEALING YOUR LIFE
"People want to kill and exterminate what they don’t understand and accept.
They want to destroy the shadow in others. They demonize each other
so that they don’t have to feel the pain of their trespass.
They think they are killing gooks or devils, not human beings.
But in truth, they are killing their mothers and fathers. They are killing their children.
They are killing their brothers and sisters. All because they hate themselves.
All because they have not been able to look at their own shadow with compassion.
All because they never learned to bring love to the wounded child within."
Read more from the book below
Have no illusions. It takes courage to make the journey within.
In this work, we are asked to look at our mommy and daddy wounds
and to walk through the fear and the shame attached to them.
We are asked to see where our patterns of self-betrayal begin in childhood
and how they continue into adulthood, influencing the choices
we make in our work and relationships.
We are asked to see the whole setup of our lives: how we gave our power away and allowed others to make decisions for us, or
how we showed up as a caretaker or control freak, taking away the power of others and inappropriately deciding for them,
We are asked to see the whole generational cycle of abuse, how victims become victimizers, how we become Mommy or
Daddy and pass the wound we received from them onto our own children. It isn’t pleasant or pretty stuff to look at. That’s
why most people don’t take the journey, or, if they do, they turn back before they see the light at the end of the tunnel.
It takes great courage to feel and transform your core wound. You could not do this as a child. It was too scary and overwhelming. You did not have the ego strength or self-confidence to face it. You did not have the support of others. It was a lonely time and you did what all of us do: you shoved it, denied it, hid it, buried it out of sight and out of mind. That’s okay. What else could you do?
But even though you made it go away for a while, it inevitably comes back. Your wound and patterns of self-betrayal come up in every close relationship you have. Your children, your parents, your siblings, your coworkers, even strangers you meet on the street push your buttons. You are triggered when you least expect it. In spite of your attempt to hide your feelings behind your mask, anger (even rage) may bleed through. You may abandon the people you love. Or you may allow yourself to be emotionally or physically abused. All this happens in your life or in the life of someone close to you. It is commonplace. Yet no one wants to talk about.
There is a conspiracy of silence. No one wants to go there. And then people wonder why someone goes out, buys a machine
gun and shoots ten people at work or at school, or murders their spouse or children. This is grisly stuff. If it is not dealt with, if it
is not faced and healed, the cycle of violence proliferates. Violence begins in our hearts and minds. It extends outward
into our families and communities. It plays out in wars and genocidal actions. It permeates the collective consciousness.
People want to kill and exterminate what they don’t understand and accept. They want to destroy the shadow in others.
They demonize each other so that they don’t have to feel the pain of their trespass. They think they are killing gooks or
devils, not human beings. But in truth, they are killing their mothers and fathers. They are killing their children. They are
killing their brothers and sisters. All because they hate themselves. All because they have not been able to look at their
own shadow with compassion. All because they never learned to bring love to the wounded child within.
Healing the Wounded Child
You are the bringer of love to your own experience.
No one else can do that for you.
Not Mommy or Daddy.
Not husband or wife.
You are the one who has to learn to bring love.
Only your love will heal your wound.
In Phase Two pf the Healing Your Life work, we learn to reclaim the rejected aspects of ourselves. We see what we don’t like, what we are ashamed of. We use the mirror that other people hold up to us to see what we condemn within ourselves. We learn to see and show up for that hurt child within, the one who feels rejected and unworthy of love, the one who feels that she doesn’t even have the right to breathe the air. The one who believes that she is bad, evil, dirty, ugly, unlovable.
We learn to sit with the child while she screams or rages out. We learn to follow her patiently when she runs away and hides. We learn to raise her up off the ground when she tries to grovel at our feet. No matter how hard it is, no matter how long it takes, we
learn to show up for that little kid and get our arms around him or her. We learn to say “I am not going to reject you or abandon you anymore. I am not going to make you wrong, criticize you or find fault with you. I am not going to do all those things that Mommy or Daddy did to you and that I learned to do to you from their example. I am not going to be the one who attacks you. I am going to stay here with you and learn to be your friend. I am going to accept you, hold the space for you, learn to love you, so that you can heal your pain, so that you can grow up and express your gifts. I am going to be the compassionate Mommy and Daddy that you never had.”
Needless to say, this is a profound healing process, and it does not happen quickly. But nothing else will work. You are the
bringer of love to your own experience. No one else can do that for you. Not Mommy or Daddy. Not husband or wife.
You are the one who has to learn to bring love. Only your love will heal your wound.
Many people try to find shortcuts to healing, but these shortcuts are always some form of denial. They shame and punish the child all over again. They tell him, “You aren’t spiritual or you would already be healed. You need to do this or do that, say this or say that.” It’s all a bunch of mumbo jumbo, but the child believes it all because he thinks he is damaged goods and needs to be fixed. He is only too happy to swallow another plan for his redemption. Of course, none of these plans will work. They are doomed to fail, and when they do they merely reinforce the child’s pain and the belief that he can’t do anything right.
The only thing that works is love and acceptance. Through love and acceptance we build a relationship of trust with the child. And, gradually over time, he is re-parented and grows up healed and empowered. This is a process that takes years, not days or weeks or months.
That fact should not be a dissuading factor to you. If you want real healing and real happiness, it is going to take time,
patience and commitment. If you realize that, you will come prepared, and you will be successful.
Real Healing and Transformation
Success on the healing journey means real transformation,
not just a cosmetic fix.
Real healing happens from the inside out,
and it extends to every area of your life.
What used to be hard now becomes easy.
What used to be a struggle becomes effortless.
You no longer live in lack and sacrifice,
but in joy and abundance.
Phase Three of the Roadmap is all about empowerment and results. Your relationship to yourself is transformed because you have learned to bring love to the child within. You have learned to stay connected to him or her, to be emotionally honest and congruent. When fear rises, you know how to hold it compassionately. When judgments come, you hold them gently and bring love to the one who feels insecure or unworthy.
Because you have developed a loving relationship with yourself, real happiness is possible in work and in relationships. You
are able to recognize, nurture and express your creative gifts. You can connect with your heart’s desire and do what you love
to do, bringing inspiration and joy to others. You are able to attract and maintain a loving, equal relationship with a partner
who shares your life and joins you in your healing journey. You learn to hear and trust your guidance, to take appropriate risks and walk through the open doors in your life.
You can feel your life unfolding from the inside out. The people you need to meet are drawn to you. The resources and support that you need fall into place without a lot of deliberation or effort. You are flexible and move with the flow of the universe. What used to be hard now becomes easy. What used to be a struggle becomes effortless. You no longer live in lack and sacrifice, but in joy and abundance.
Your love for yourself is so strong and steady that everyone around you can feel it. People are drawn to you for guidance, comfort and support. People who have wounds similar to yours arrive at the door to your home, your office, your church or temple. Naturally and spontaneously, you begin to give back to others all the gifts that you have received on your own healing journey.
Whether formally or informally, you begin to serve the greater good and the larger plan for healing on the planet. You
do your part, whatever it is. You step into your life purpose and play the unique role that you are able to play. Your gifts
and talents, your wisdom and strength are placed in service.
Through you, others heal and discover the truth within themselves. Having become the bringer of love to your own experience, the universe supports you in stepping forward as a spiritual guide for others. You hold the torch of unconditional love with confidence, pointing the way and lighting the path for others. Your will and the great will of the universal creator become one and the same.
As healing comes to your heart, heaven comes to earth, and peace comes to the world in which you live. May your experience
with this Roadmap be as powerful and as transforming as it has been for all of us who have taken the journey.
The Online Course
Paul Ferrini's Online Healing Your Life Course includes the full text and visuals, as well as many videos covering all
12 of the Steps in the Transformational Process. Click here to learn more about the Online Course.
Watch Video Clips from the Online Course and Video Series
Click here tread more about the Video Series. Click on the Links below to view some excerpts from the videos.
Click to view: Dark Night of the Soul
Click to view: We Are the Bringers of Love
Click to view: Dealing with Spiritual Crisis
Click to view: Four Components of Creative Fulfillment
Click to view: Relationship as a Path for Transformation
Click to view: Cultivating Open Heart and Open Mind
Click below to view: Forgiving Mommy and Daddy Wounds
Click here to order the 3 hour highlights DVD for $36.00 plus shipping.
Click here to order 3 Hour video download for $27.00
Click here to order the Complete 14 Hour DVD set for $111.00 plus shipping .
Please note that both the text and the complete 14 hour video series are included in the Online Course.