Book Excerpt
From The Silence of the Heart by Paul Ferrini
Reader Comments about this Book
Last winter, in the midst of a very difficult time in my life, I made a phone call to Australia and connected with a woman that I know to be one of the true enlightened beings awake on this planet at this time. She told me to buy your book Silence of the Heart, which is amazing because she encourages people to move beyond books to connect to the information source within. She endorses only two books that I know of: Love Without Conditions and Silence of the Heart.
Within the pages of these books I received phenomenal clarity and healing in my time of trauma. I was guided by the presence embodied in the words to find my way to a closer relationship with my SELF. This book tells me what I have always known at some deeper level...it's incredible!"
I wasinspired to give the book to my friend Vicki, who had just told me that her doctor had discovered a lump in her breast. The next day Vicki left a message on my answering machine that was exuberant and joyful. "I read the book, and I GET IT! I NEED TO LOVE MYSELF! This book tells me what I have always known at some deeper level...it's incredible!" My heart soared with her words and I knew she was making the deep connections that would lead to her healing. Her mammogram came out clean three weeks later, thanks in no small part to your writing.
Our actions are like rocks thrown in the pond. The ripples go out far in all directions. Often we have no idea just how distant or how powerful the impact can be. Be assured that your words and deeds are touching many and bringing healing and nurturing wisdom to multitudes. you have made a difference in my life, in Vicki's life, and in the lives of many others. R. Barnes
My partner and I are reading Silence of the Heart in nightly portions. I just finished a written item discussing movement from the point of having a fractured or fragmented personality to the point of fusion, stressing the need to renounce victimization and stay away from past and future. The next day I read your chapter "Healing the Divided Self," and you described the situation in a way I never could. I have also been working for years on the art of listening and your two paragraphs in this chapter said better than I possibly could exactly what deep listening is all about. S. Beckow
The Gifts of God
The gifts you have been given in this life do not belong to you alone. They belong to everyone. Do not be selfish and withhold them. Do not be selfish and imprison yourself in a lifestyle that holds your spirit hostage and provides no spontaneity or grace in your life.
Risk being yourself fully.
Let go of the expectations others have for you. Let go of all the "shoulds" and "have tos" and consider what thoughts and actions bring you the greatest joy. Live from the inside out, not from the outside in.
To move toward your joy is not selfish. It is in fact the most kind action you can perform toward others. That is because your gift is needed. The spirit of others cannot be lifted up unless you trust your gift and give it unconditionally to the world.
Consider how empty life would be if others around you chose to abandon their gifts. All that you find wonderful in life — the music, the poetry, the films, the sports, the laughter — would vanish if others withheld their gifts from you.
Do not withhold your gift from others. Do not make the mistake of thinking that you have no gift to give. Everyone has a gift. But don't compare your gift to the gifts of others, or you may not value it sufficiently.
Your gift brings joy to yourself and joy to others. If there is no joy in your life, it is because you are withholding your gift. You are not trusting it. You are not actively bringing the gift forward into manifestation in your life.
All gifts are creative expressions of self. They reveal the self. They break down the barriers of separation and allow others to know who you are.
To create is to bring an inner awareness into form. That awareness does not exist in the world in the way you would express it. Your expression of it is unique, authentic. It is fresh, honest, manifested out of your own experience.
A creative person does not take direction from the outside. She does not imitate established forms. She listens within.
Now she may survey the world. She may even study and scrutinize it. But then she internalizes what she sees. She takes it in and digests it. She considers it in the light of her own experience. She feels it. She owns it. She makes it hers. And then she gives it back. And what she gives back is her vision. Her unique perspective. Her story.
And if she is honest, others will respond to her, because they hear their story in hers. They will share her vision, for a moment, for a day, for a week or even longer. Others will support her creative work. And their support will make it easier for her. The energy that she puts out will begin to come back to her. She will feel appreciated emotionally and financially. It is a beautiful process.
Perhaps you have tried this and it hasn't come to fruition. Perhaps you are still struggling to manifest your gift. "What am I doing wrong?" you ask. "Why isn't the universe supporting me?"
The answer is a simple one. Either what you are trying to manifest isn't your gift or you don't believe in your gift sufficiently.
"Well, how do I know?" you inquire.
Ask yourself "Am I doing this because it brings me great joy or because I am seeking the approval of others?" If your action is not joyful, it will not bring happiness to yourself or others. You may succeed or you may fail, but happiness will be missing. Only that which comes from your heart with great enthusiasm will prosper on all levels. Only that which you love will touch others and bring true appreciation your way.
Appreciation and approval are two entirely different things. Appreciation is the natural, spontaneous flow of energy back to you when others feel connected to you and your story. There is nothing you can do to precipitate appreciation other than to be yourself and tell the truth. You simply cannot be in control of what comes back. When you have shared authentically, something essential always comes back. It may not look like what you expect, because what your ego is looking for is not appreciation, but approval.
The search for approval is based on the consciousness that you are not enough. You want others to give you the love that feels missing in your life. This search is a futile one. If you feel empty and seek to be filled from the outside, others will feel attacked. They will experience your request for appreciation as a demand. They will be repelled or repulsed. And then you will feel even more empty, rejected, abused.
Energy cannot return to you unless and until you put energy out. Putting out a demand is not putting out energy. It is putting out a vacuum that sucks other people's energy. It shouts out to the world "I need you to value me because I don't value myself." Unless and until you love and appreciate yourself, other people won't receive your gift no matter how hard you try to give it to them.
Putting out energy means taking yourself seriously, but not too seriously. It means valuing yourself enough to be willing to share with others. It does not mean attacking people with your gifts. When you have a lot of expectations about how people should receive your gifts, you make it impossible for them to receive them.
If you value your gift, it won't matter so much how others respond to it. Even if they don't give you positive feedback, you won't be dissuaded from offering your gift again and again.
Happiness and personal fulfillment flow from the commitment you make to yourself. This commitment will be tested again and again. Over and over, you will be asked by the universe to offer your gift in the face of criticism, skepticism or apparent lack of appreciation. And each time rejection comes, you will be faced with the decision "Do I do this again?"
If the gift is false, sooner or later you will stop offering it. It will become apparent to you that you never receive what you want to receive when you offer your services. It will become clear that offering these services is a way of beating yourself up. So you will stop attacking yourself by offering a gift that is not yours to offer.
On the other hand, if the gift is true, you will learn from apparent failure and rejection. You will learn to value the gift more deeply and to offer it more authentically. You will gradually stop attacking people with your gift and start creating a more loving space in which the gift can be offered and received.
An authentic gift will develop as you trust it. A false gift will not. The former is the gift of Spirit and it is your responsibility to nurture it into existence. The latter is the expectation of your ego, which sooner of later must be surrendered if your true gifts are to emerge.
One is the bringer of appreciation, which deepens intimacy and connection with others. The other brings approval or rejection, both of which bring isolation, pain and humiliation.
So ask yourself "Am I seeking approval? Am I looking for strokes I am unwilling to give to myself? Do I love and value myself right now or am I looking for love to come from others so that I will know that I am really okay?"
Ask yourself "Am I trusting my gift sufficiently?" Am I underconfident and hiding my light or am I overconfident and attacking other people with my gift?"
Honest answers to these questions will dissolve any confusion you have about this issue.
Nurturing the Gift
Many people say they don't know what their gifts are, but this is just denial. You can't be conscious and not know what your gift is. Your gift always lies where your joy and enthusiasm run deepest.
The only difficulty you will have in recognizing your gift is that it may not fit your pictures of what a gift is supposed to be. Suppose, for example, you have excellent listening skills. People come to you with their life dramas and leave happier and more peaceful. Over and over again, others tell you they like being around you. They feel that you accept them as they are. They feel empowered by you. You don't seem to take on their problems. And your presence has an uplifting effect on people.
But you don't get it. You don't do anything in particular, so you can't understand there is a gift involved here. You keep looking for the gift outside of your experience. You think: "Maybe I should go back to school and be a librarian?" But you already have two masters degrees. You've already had all the training you need. Training is not the issue. Changing careers is not the issue.
The issue is that the gift is staring you in the face and you refuse to see it. You think the gift is "a doing," but it's not. The gift is "a way of being" that is effortless and exultant. It comes naturally to you. It immediately and palpably brings joy to others.
"Well," you think, "maybe I should go back to school and get a degree in counseling. Nobody will want to come to me and pay me money unless I have a degree." But you miss the point. It doesn't matter what you do. We are not talking about a doing, but a way of being. Whatever you do, you can express your gift. You don't need a special role, a special platform.
Seeking a special role is a way of pushing the gift away. It's saying: "This gift doesn't really meet my expectations. It can't support me. Why can't I have a real gift. Others do. What's wrong with me?"
If you could take the same unconditional love and acceptance that you offer to others and offer it to yourself, you would turn your entire life around, because you would begin trusting the gift yourself. Until you value and trust the gift, how can the universe support you?
Many of your gifts go unacknowledged because they don't match your pictures of what a gift should be. Or you devalue the gift and push it away by comparing it to that of others. You envy their gift. You would rather have theirs than your own. What a foolish waste of time and energy!
Come on, friends, get on with it! Embrace the gift you have been given, no matter what it looks like. You'll see. It will be fun. Others will enjoy it. Life will begin to flow as the gift is offered without expectation of return.
Every time you place a condition on your willingness to offer the gift, you push it further away. "I will sing only if I have an audience of 1,000 people and I make at least $5,000!" Supposing not that many people have heard of you, how many offers to sing are going to come your way?
More procrastination. More resistance. More sacrifice and self-torture! How is your lifework to evolve if you do not take the first step to bring it into existence?
You lifework is like a baby. It needs to be nurtured both in and out of the womb. When you first become aware of what your gift is, don't go around announcing it to the rooftops. Keep your own counsel. Begin singing in the shower. Find a teacher. Practice every day.
Then when your gift is ready to be shared with others, find an informal, low- key environment that does not put a lot of pressure on you to perform or on others to respond. Be easy with it, the way you would be if a child wanted to share a song. Be that child. No matter how anxious you are to grow up with your gift, you must take the time to be the child first.
Learn, grow, and let your gift be nurtured into manifestation. Take small risks, then bigger ones. Sing to small audiences and gain your confidence. Then, without your doing anything, the audiences will grow.
Those who refuse to start small never accomplish anything. They shoot for the moon and never learn to stand on the earth.
Don't be afraid to be an apprentice. If you admire someone who has a gift that resembles yours, don't be afraid to ask for lessons. That is one of the ways you learn to trust the gift.
On the other hand, you can't be a student forever. There comes a time when the student is ready to leave the teacher behind. When that moment comes, step forward. Trust the gift. Trust all the hours you have practiced. Step forth. Have faith in yourself. You are ready.
The way you relate to your gift says a lot about whether you are happy or not. Happy people are expressing their gifts all their time, on whatever level and in whatever arena life offers them. Unhappy people are holding onto their gifts until life gives them the perfect venue.
I can tell you now, the perfect venue never comes. Even if life seems to match all of your pictures, when the moment comes you have been waiting for, it looks nothing like you expected it to.
It's quite simple, really. All your pictures have to go. Part of trusting the gift is letting go of the way you think the gift should be received. That is not your affair. It is none of your business. No matter how great you become, you will never know who will be touched by your work and who will turn away.
To give the gift, you must release it. You must not be attached to who receives it and who doesn't. Nobody speaks to everyone. Some share their gifts with an audience of a few people. Some share with a few million. In the former case, the sharing is intimate and deep. In the latter, it is superficial and wide.It is not for you to judge.
Don't judge the gift. Embrace it, value it and give it. And don't judge the way it is received. Give it without attachment to results, without expectations of return.
You can't hold onto your gift and give it away at the same time. When you see the absurdity of trying to do this, you will give your gift the wings it deserves. And that is the moment when your gift will reach those who are reaching out for it. And the energy of it will move through them and back to you. The cycle of giving and receiving will be complete. Appreciation will be felt, and a new cycle of giving will begin
Commitment
Your commitment to the expression of your gift will transform your life. All the structures in your life which hold you in limitation begin to fall apart as soon as you make this inner commitment to yourself. Trying to change these structures from the outside in is futile. That is not how change occurs.
Change occurs from the inside out. As you embrace your gift and move through your fear of expressing it, old, outdated lifestyle structures are deenergized. Without receiving new energy from you, these structures dissolve. You don't have to do anything. As they dissolve, they create a more open space within your own consciousness for the gift to be recognized, given and received.
Your work situation, your family life, your sleeping and eating patterns all begin to shift as you get about the business of honoring yourself and moving toward your joy. Without struggle, you unhook from roles and relationships that no longer serve your continued growth. This happens spontaneously. There is no forcing or violation involved.
When faced with your absolute, uncompromising commitment to yourself, others either join you or move swiftly out of your way. Grey spaces created by your ambivalence — your desire to have something and give it up at the same time — move toward yea or nay. Clarity emerges as the clouds of self-doubt and attachment are burned away by the committed, radiant self.
When one person moves toward individuation, it gives everyone permission to do the same. Dysfunctional family structures are dismantled and new structures that honor the individuals involved are put in their place.
This is what commitment to self does. It destroys sloppiness, co-dependency, neurotic bargaining for love, boredom, apathy and critical behavior. It frees the individuals to be themselves and to come back into a more genuine alignment in a conscious way.
One person's fidelity to self and willingness to live her dream explodes the entire edifice of fear that surrounds her. It is that simple. And it all happens as gently as the first "yes" said in the silence of the heart.
No one can be abandoned by your "yes" to yourself. If you think otherwise, you will build a prison of fear and guilt around you. Your "yes" to your essential self and life purpose is also a "yes" to the other person's essential self and purpose in life. Neurotic bargains for love in which boundaries are constantly compromised cannot stand in the light of self-affirmation. In setting yourself free, you call others to their freedom. Whether they answer the call, of course, is up to them.
The call to self-actualization is not a call to abandon others. It is not a call to separation or the avoidance of responsibility. The call to honor self is also a call to honor others. When one is not happy, usually others are not either. Sooner or later, this unhappiness must be confronted and discussed.
The call to self-actualization comes to fruition only to the extent that the heart remains open. It is not a shutting down, but an opening up.
Sometimes others cannot see the gift your self-commitment gives to them and you may have to act in a way that others cannot understand or support. That will be difficult for you, but don't capitulate to those who would make you feel guilty for following your heart. Stand firm with your commitment to yourself, but keep your heart open to the pain of others. Love them, bless them, talk with them, support them in any way that you can, but do not allow them to turn you from your responsibility to yourself.
Your commitment to other people must be an extension of your commitment to yourself, not at odds with it. How can you choose between your good and that of another? It is not possible.
No one asks you to make such a choice.
Somewhere there is a decision that honors you and also honors others. Find that decision. Be committed to finding it.
Don't abandon yourself. Don't abandon others. Rest in your commitment to self. Invite others into it. Rest in your commitment to others. Bring your whole self into it.
Be who you are and be willing to share. Don't dishonor yourself. Don't exclude others from your love. What else can you do? What else needs to be done?
Let the old form go. Let the new form of your life emerge at its own pace. Go willingly into the open space of "not knowing." Whenever you release the past, you must enter this space. Don't be afraid. Don't be embarrassed. It is okay not to know. It is okay to let things evolve.
Just be present and tell the truth. Be patient. Growing is a process. Be gentle with yourself and others. You will not do it without making mistakes.
The Only Work There Is
All spiritual work involves expressing the self joyously and uplifting others. If your work is not joyous, if it doesn't express your talents and abilities, and if it doesn't uplift others, it is not spiritual work. It is the world's work.
Many times I have asked you to be in the world but not of it. What does this mean?
It means that you can do the tasks that other men and women do, but you do them joyfully in the spirit of love. You give your labor as a gift. There is no sacrifice involved.
If there is sacrifice involved, there will be no joy. And so there will be no gift.
Do not work out of duty. Even if you serve others. Do what you do joyfully or do not do it.
Do not do something you don't enjoy just to earn money. Even if that money supports a family of people, they will not prosper through your sacrifice.
Nothing prospers that does not come from love.
There are hundreds, if not thousands of ways, in which you can cheat yourself and work out of sacrifice or duty. There are just as many ways in which you can cheat others and work out of impatience and greed. Be aware of the many subtle ways in which you can betray yourself and/or others. Do not settle for the rewards the world would give you. Material wealth, name and fame will not bring you happiness.
Only work that is joyful will bring you happiness. Only work that is joyful will bring happiness to others. Do not think that happiness can come from sacrifice or struggle. The means must be consistent with the ends. The goal unfolds through the process itself.
Be wary of work motivated by guilt or spiritual pride. Do not try to save yourself by helping others. Do not try to save others when it is you yourself who needs to be saved.
First, put things right in your own mind. Learn to forgive the past and honor yourself here and now. Learn to trust your gifts. When you are fully expressing who you are joyfully, your work will naturally extend to those who will benefit from it or from your personal example. This is God's work. It requires no marketing. It has an agenda of its own.
Having found your lifework, the greatest obstacle to its fulfillment lies in your attempt to "direct" it. You cannot make your spiritual work happen. If you try, you will fail. You will see the loftiest work be tainted by spiritual pride and undermined by your ego expectations.
You cannot do your spiritual work the same way you did your worldly work. The former requires surrender. The latter requires the illusion of control.
As soon as you give up the need to control, any work can become spiritual. As soon as you try to take charge, the most spiritual projects begin to fall apart.
What is spiritual is not what you do, but how you do it. What you do joyfully is spiritual work.
What is worldly is not what you do, but how you do it. What you do out of duty, sacrifice, or the search for approval is worldly work.
It is not the outer shell that matters, but the inner motivation. It is not "what," but "how."
Do not try to discover your life purpose from the outside in. It is not possible.
Do not try to discover your life purpose by listening to the ideas and opinions of others. It is not possible.
You discover your life work by listening to the voice of your heart. There is no other way.
It seems to be a lonely journey and, in a way, it is, because no one else can do it for you. You must run the first few miles by yourself. You must demonstrate your commitment. You must show that you will not be drawn off-course by others.
In time, others come who share your path. This is inevitable. You do not have to go looking for them. You meet them in the natural course of honoring yourself and being open to your experience.
All spiritual work involves expressing the self joyously and uplifting others. If your work is not joyous, if it doesn't express your talents and abilities, and if it doesn't uplift others, it is not spiritual work. It is the world's work.
Many times I have asked you to be in the world but not of it. What does this mean?
It means that you can do the tasks that other men and women do, but you do them joyfully in the spirit of love. You give your labor as a gift. There is no sacrifice involved.
If there is sacrifice involved, there will be no joy. And so there will be no gift.
Do not work out of duty. Even if you serve others. Do what you do joyfully or do not do it.
Do not do something you don't enjoy just to earn money. Even if that money supports a family of people, they will not prosper through your sacrifice.
Nothing prospers that does not come from love.
There are hundreds, if not thousands of ways, in which you can cheat yourself and work out of sacrifice or duty. There are just as many ways in which you can cheat others and work out of impatience and greed. Be aware of the many subtle ways in which you can betray yourself and/or others. Do not settle for the rewards the world would give you. Material wealth, name and fame will not bring you happiness.
Only work that is joyful will bring you happiness. Only work that is joyful will bring happiness to others. Do not think that happiness can come from sacrifice or struggle. The means must be consistent with the ends. The goal unfolds through the process itself.
Be wary of work motivated by guilt or spiritual pride. Do not try to save yourself by helping others. Do not try to save others when it is you yourself who needs to be saved.
First, put things right in your own mind. Learn to forgive the past and honor yourself here and now. Learn to trust your gifts. When you are fully expressing who you are joyfully, your work will naturally extend to those who will benefit from it or from your personal example. This is God's work. It requires no marketing. It has an agenda of its own.
Having found your lifework, the greatest obstacle to its fulfillment lies in your attempt to "direct" it. You cannot make your spiritual work happen. If you try, you will fail. You will see the loftiest work be tainted by spiritual pride and undermined by your ego expectations.
You cannot do your spiritual work the same way you did your worldly work. The former requires surrender. The latter requires the illusion of control.
As soon as you give up the need to control, any work can become spiritual. As soon as you try to take charge, the most spiritual projects begin to fall apart.
What is spiritual is not what you do, but how you do it. What you do joyfully is spiritual work.
What is worldly is not what you do, but how you do it. What you do out of duty, sacrifice, or the search for approval is worldly work.
It is not the outer shell that matters, but the inner motivation. It is not "what," but "how."
Do not try to discover your life purpose from the outside in. It is not possible.
Do not try to discover your life purpose by listening to the ideas and opinions of others. It is not possible.
You discover your life work by listening to the voice of your heart. There is no other way.
It seems to be a lonely journey and, in a way, it is, because no one else can do it for you. You must run the first few miles by yourself. You must demonstrate your commitment. You must show that you will not be drawn off-course by others.
In time, others come who share your path. This is inevitable. You do not have to go looking for them. You meet them in the natural course of honoring yourself and being open to your experience.
The Myth of Material Prosperity
Let's be clear that few people are committed to God's work. Of those who say they are, only a handful are actively demonstrating that commitment. Don't expect the world to support your journey to authenticity. It will not!
The world supports only what it understands. And right now all it understands is duty and sacrifice. That will change in time. But don't expect it too soon. Don't go into your lifework with the hope of worldly support and approval.
Those who understand my teachings and try to live them are often treated with disdain by the world. Don't be surprised if this happens to you. It is not a sign of divine disapproval that other men and women feel envious of or threatened by you.
Don't be surprised if this happens to you. It is not a sign of divine disapproval that other men and women feel envious of or threatened by you.
If this happens, bear it patiently and send love and acceptance to others. When they see that you have their highest good at heart, they will soften to you. If you are committed to the journey, your patience will be rewarded. But, if you are seeking approval or recognition, you will not find it.
Pay no mind to the religion of abundance. That is no more true nor helpful than the religion of sacrifice. God does not necessarily reward spiritual work with material success. All rewards are spiritual. Happiness, joy, compassion, peace, sensitivity: these are the rewards for a life lived in integrity.
If material success does not come, it is not important. If it seems important, and resentment develops, then more ego simply needs to be stripped away. One must learn, once and for all, to stop measuring spiritual riches with a worldly yardstick.
If material success comes, it is often a test to see if one can transcend self-interest and greed. One who is unwilling to share his material wealth with others is not spiritual.
Material wealth, like all other gifts, is given that it may be shared with others. If you are holding onto God's gift to you, you will not reap the reward of true prosperity, which is happiness and peace.
Don't make the mistake of thinking that your lifework must bring in a large paycheck. If you believe this, and your work does not meet with worldly success, you will think you have chosen the wrong work. You will feel inadequate and unworthy. You will beat yourself up and abandon your gift.
On the other hand, don't make the mistake of thinking that you must be poor to serve God. A rich person can serve God as well as one of humble means if he is willing to share his riches. It matters not how much you hold in your hands, but whether your hands are extended outward to your brother or sister. Look from the inside out, look into your heart, at your intention, and you will see things as God sees them.
All men and women are entrusted with a gift. It does not matter how one person's gift compares to that of another. What matters is that each person comes to embrace the gift and offer it to others.